Uncertain | Daily Prompt: On Bees and Efs

Do you — or did you ever — have a Best Friend? Do you believe in the idea of one person whose friendship matters the most? Tell us a story about your BFF (or lack thereof).

Frankly, I’m on a fence about this one.

The people who have answered the question fall under three categories: those who have, those who had, and those who never had. I belong to the fourth: I’m uncertain if I still have a best friend.

Some months ago, we had this terrible argument online. It was like The War of the States all over again. But only for one night! Then, it was quiet on the battlefield. It has been for months. My contribution to the silence: I deactivated, which interestingly coincided with a friend saying that she was learning how to meditate and be mindful. So, I decided to try it as well. It may do me good.

Being mindful was relatively easy; meditating was not. It’s difficult to quiet your mind when something is clearly bothering you, both inside and out.

I never—and to date, I have not—told anyone about what happened, even when there were a number of friends who were curious and worried about my absence and started putting pieces together. They began to have more clues when, during a late lunch on Labor Day, I was there while my best friend wasn’t. He lived near the mall where we met. They were certain I have his number. So they asked me why was he not there. I gave an answer. “I don’t know.” They smirked.

He made his presence felt during my birthday by sending two words my way. I acknowledged them. No more, no less.

Just the other day, I saw him again. I didn’t know he too was invited to dinner. I hated to bail out. So I stayed. Physically present, mentally absent. I felt like the time and place kept changing to significant events from the past that would emphasize The War of the States. I did my best to be civil; at least, I believe I did. But I failed at being good company. Yet that couldn’t be seen in any of the photographs.

Maybe that is why the Universe is assertively suggesting this: deal with it now. If I dealt with it later, I possibly would’ve turned myself into a wet blanket. And that’s only one aspect of a future that I dislike.

Yet the question remains: how do I deal with it?

Looking to the Universe for answers, I only a get a mess of responses: videos , photographs, and regrets about the recent passing of the beloved class clown; memes that basically say “No more” and “Enough!”; listicles about living life on one’s own terms; and a celebrity telling another not to burn bridges.

We have a mutual friend who loves to speak about us reconciling; he cheers about a reunion he hopes would happen. And not just in a photograph.

As I’ve said. I don’t know—not yet anyway.

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