Dear Mr. Junot Diaz
I think it’s been about two weeks since I started This Is How You Lose Her.
And of all the things that could’ve prompted me to do it, it was the end of a seven-year friendship. My guess is I was unconsciously looking for solace from the books that surrounded me. And they were about starting relationships and finding friends, nothing about loss and closure—save for yours. So, sometime past midnight, I opened the book and began reading.
One of the first passages that struck a chord with me was this: And that’s when I know it’s over. As soon as you start to think about the beginning, it’s the end.
While it’s one of the shorter and smaller books, which I could’ve easily finished in just one weekend, something told me not to hurry. And I believe I should relish every chapter, despite myself being unused to such choice phrases, which I dealt with by mentally censoring the words. Plus—because I had no grasp of the language from the Dominican Republic—I had to look for context clues and consider what little information I had.
Though it’s not exactly the comfort I was seeking, it did help me get through those sleepless nights, when I was struggling with my own thoughts.
“You are surprised at how hollowed out you feel.” I don’t why but, most nights when I’m in bed and trying not to think about what happened, I think about what happened. I feel so much that I become numb. The numbness becomes so great, I drown in it. And those were the times that I just want to run out in the middle of the night to who knows where. But how do you escape from your own head and its thoughts? I guess no one does. So we deal with it as best we could.
“You keep waiting for the heaviness to leave you. You keep waiting for the moment you never think about the ex again. It doesn’t come. You ask everybody you know: How long does it usually take to get over it? There are many formulas. It’s just a matter of willpower: The day you decide it’s over, it’s over.”
Just a while ago, I finally finished it.
“The half-life of love is forever.”