What if Philippine FM radio stations were students in a college class?
I imagine the class to be the liveliest around, what with everyone opinionated and raring to talk. The door ajar is big enough a crack to let the noise and energy out to the corridor and the ground. Hearing them from the outside doesn’t seem enough. It’s like you want to be in their midst, to see them live and loud from the inside.
- Jam 88.03 is one of the younger and angstier kids of the class. All thanks to puberty, he discovered the color black plus his personal issues and now rages about them. His passion makes him more interesting, though his delves into the underworld makes him weird-sounding.
- Wave 89.1 is that guy who has a solid wall for a body. He was weaned exclusively on imported stuff and food brought over from trips abroad. And although he was born and grew up here, he sounds and looks—even smells—foreign. They say he’s friendly though.
- Magic 89.9 is the older twin and he is notorious in campus for a number of things: his statement shirts, impossibly torn jeans, and school antics that have made him a familiar face at the dean’s and chaplain’s offices. The more suspensions he does, the more love-hate he gets.
- Love Radio 90.7 is everyone’s delightful, older sister. She’s genuinely nice, likes to laugh, and adores all things pink (or anything that comes close to that color). Some say she’s cool, others say she’s tacky. Love her or hate her, you can’t help but notice her.
- 91.5 Win Radio is a girl who tries so hard at popularity yet always misses it. She follows fashion, mimics catchphrases, and appears as a knock-off of every popular girl in class that you couldn’t tell what style or personality she has.
- Radyo5 92.3 News FM is the loudest firecracker there is: not only is she is the president of the AV club, she revived it singlehandedly despite the great odds. She leads the school paper to war. Her no-nonsense shirts, straight-up posters, and blinding tarps guaranteed her success.
- Monster Radio RX 93.1 is a well-rounded guy. He loves his dark-colored hoodies, which he uses when he DJs during the weekends. On weekdays, he is the class clown, armed with pranks and dance moves that either wows you or weirds you out.
- 93.9 iFM is a burn-out. She used to belong to the A-list, the honor society, and the school government. Her legends do injustice as to how she was an up-and-coming tour de force. One wrong move and she choked the homestretch. Now, she’s just frumpy and careless.
- Mellow 947 used to be content with only skirts and blouses but, with an intervention, she discovered jeans, T-shirts, and the body beneath her clothes. Now, she has an edge to her, which kind of divides the house. Some like the new her, some don’t.
- Pinas FM 95.5 loves everything that is local. And she’s fiercely loyal about it. She wears a lot of red, white, and blue and doesn’t mind the laughs she gets from them—just don’t let her catch you doing it.
- 96.3 Easy Rock is a homebody. He comes to class in signature cargo shorts, terribly bleached shirts, and beach slippers. Brings no bag or books, just his even temper that easily affects the people around him. Miraculously, he gets by with only that.
- Barangay LS 97.1 is the former captain of the basketball varsity team who experienced a horrific accident but survived. After his physical rehabilitation, he’s been wearing only party shirts and doesn’t rule school the way he used to because he “lost his cool”.
- 97.9 Home Radio is the plain Jane of the bunch. She’s tall and likes floral stuff. And while not that many talk to her, she does well; she’s a good listener and, because of that, she knows a lot of terribly, juicy secrets.
- 98.7 DZFE The Master’s Touch stands out in a number of ways: he is a school ace, piano prodigy, an eyeglass model, and has memorized five versions of the Bible. He does great European accents and has lots of foreign friends. Yet some people find him to be a great bore.
- 99.5 Play FM is the younger twin. She tends to be friendlier to most than her brother is. She is the better dancer of the two. If she wore his clothes, people could easily mistake her for him but—strangely—this exercise does not work the other way around.
- 100.3 RJFM is the local guitar god. He’s never shown himself shaven and wears only button-fronts and acid-washed jeans. He talks slow but do not underestimate him because of that mere trait. He’s anything but stupid.
- 101.1 YES! FM is a wise-cracking smartass, who comes armed with corny buttons, caps, shirts, and jokes he repeats and laughs at himself. Granted, he makes a strike sometimes and could send the class roaring but his routine has gotten so old so fast.
- MOR 101.9 For Life! Manila is the token old-fashion, hopeless romantic. He likes it sappy, silly, sentimental, and sweet, which is why he sounds hyper at times—those moments when he just almost endlessly rambles on—because he’s hopped up on a lot of sugar.
- 102.7 Star FM is rumored to be one of the repeaters. No matter how much or how long you look at him and his superbly faded concert shirts, you couldn’t decide if he’s just old-looking or actually old because of what he keeps spouting in class.
- 103.5 K-Lite is a ditzy beauty. She used to be a legendary rock goddess next became a dance diva then took a dive for the worst. Good thing she was saved! She’s back in her cool tops and boots and rocking the campus again.
- 104.3 Business Radio is easily the most formal and the most mature-sounding guy in the class. Despite the fact that he isn’t scary, practically the whole school finds him unapproachable, even to a cold point. He has wit, eloquence, and more, if only people stayed long enough to find out.
- 105.1 Crossover is an amusing, well-traveled guy from the jazz club. He is known for all the charcoal he wears. He has done a lot of things except one thing: hurry. Proves how laid-back he is. Yet—amazingly—he has yet to be late.
- Retro 105.9 DCG FM is the girl who is “blast from the past” incarnate. Her clothes are vintage, her vocabulary is virtually archaic, and yet she somehow comes off as chic. Maybe because she peppers her speech with little known secrets of the past.
- 106.7 Energy FM is the reigning—and only—queen in the class. Admittedly, a loudmouth (paired with loud clothes), which he puts to good use as he is a great cheerleader and, if you could get him to repeat whatever, you are assured that it would spread like wild fire.
- Wish 1075 is the waif practicing a bit of the Bohemian lifestyle: comes to class barefoot and sandals in hand, wears terribly loose clothes, has rich and voluminous hair, and remains a mystery until now because no one could tell the gender.
[I was not paid to neither endorse nor dis any particular radio station. This is pure fiction.]