An Ugly Life Lesson in 25 Points | Things I’ve Learned

Reader, beyond this point, things will become unpretty.

I have accepted the task of writing a list about anything I have learned. I’m not that old enough to dispense long lines of life truths. What I know now at this age may not actually be truth come two or five or nine years. I’ll leave those to the others.

My list begins with a tragedy. Some time ago, my former best friend and I had an argument. It dragged us for days. And its end was so scandalous, it aroused so much curiosity and bore rumors—as such things only could.

So here is what I offer you: knowledge I gained from that experience.

  1. Best friends could break-up in the most harrowing, the most terrible, and the most unforeseeable way.
  2. Some mutual friends will feel compelled to pick a side, even when they should not.
  3. There will be moments when you will just feel utterly friendless.
  4. Suppression of memories is unending work. It will ask for a high price. And its effects could reach far greater than you could anticipate.
  5. Doubts could repeatedly attack you and consume you.
  6. You will begin to wonder if you have some sort of psychosis because you will swing from minutes of peace to hours of madness.
  7. When withdrawal symptoms hit you, they will hit hard. They will be relentless. And they will want you to give up and give in.
  8. You tend to stay in bed longer. You will sometimes bathe longer. You would sometimes be stuck just doing one boring thing—all because your brain is busy and slowly processing things.
  9. Often, you will want to shut down. Not exactly sleep because you are not physically tired. But you just want to stop thinking about anything.
  10. Desperation will creep up on you and, when it gets a hold of you, your world will stop.
  11. There will be so much self-loathing and rage, specially when you remember stuff or do stuff that are closely tied to your former best friend.
  12. The Law of Retaliation will become quite appealing to you.
  13. Your questions will increase and become more bothersome the more there is of them.
  14. In this messed-up state, your head will be a swirling vortex of right and wrong ideas and choices. Each one could influence you and your future. Be careful of your thoughts.
  15. Friends will mean well when they try to cheer you up. Be prepared for some of them to fumble when they handle you.
  16. Some people will just drop you because they don’t know how handle you. And this will just make you rage all the more.
  17. In rare cases, you will discover someone who would step up and take your side.
  18. You will look for practically anything that could distract you. And when you succeed, you will want it to never end. And when it ends, you will feel like you just went back to square one.
  19. Talking about it – your memories, your feelings, your decisions – will be the drops of water that will weather that rock.
  20. Your brain will inflict flashbacks on you, sometimes even when that past event has no anchor to the present. There is no pause or stop button. It will just play. Worse, it will play in a loop. And you will begin to curse your memory.
  21. Favorite movies, good books, new songs, and unplanned trips can give you solace. Their good effects are not always guaranteed but they are worth a shot.
  22. Now more than ever, you will need support. Family and friends are the best sources for that!
  23. You will have to make decisions, even when you do not want to, even when you feel like you cannot.
  24. Sometimes, you’re the only one who could save yourself. You have to be your own best friend.
  25. There is no word for what you two are. You two are no longer best friends. You two are not enemies—at least, not yet. Yet you two are not exactly strangers.

I hope you, reader, learn to acknowledge your feelings—whatever they may be, whether they are quiet, tiny streams or loud and large tsunamis. It may not always be easy dealing with emotions but recognizing them and owning them will help you. I believe that by accepting those feelings, you get closer to letting things go.

Of course, what I say here is not gospel. What I have been through and what I have learned and discovered may be different from others, maybe even yours. Possibly, they may not be true for others or even work for others.

My only prayer is that you, reader, would be able to deal with a break-up of any kind as best as you could. But may you never have to because – from personal experience – it is one of the ugliest life lessons there is.

When the dust has settled and the rubble among the ruins could be seen, some will decide to completely burn the bridge. Others will abandon the scene, never to return. And there are a few who will decide to repair it. Whatever choice you take, may it be the right one for both of you.

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21 Comments Add yours

  1. Kat says:

    I had an experience like this before. Your list reminded me of it 😦

    Like

    1. Mati Serrano says:

      Ouch.
      You parted ways with your best friend too?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Kat says:

        Yes, unfortunately! It took me a year to get over it but I’m glad it happened. I learned a lot of things about myself and others. I hope you ‘get-over’ it faster. What doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Mati Serrano says:

          I’d love to fast-forward to the time when I’m done with this lesson but I can’t. Still learning but I am glad that I am getting closer to being okay.
          And yes, I too believe that what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger.
          Also, strangely, I am thankful to my best friend; he is instrumental to this particular knowledge.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Kat says:

            Take as much time as you need. Pero huwag masyado matagal! 😉

            ps. I too am thankful for my ex-bff. It hurts as hell when I see her (we work together) but I got to know myself more because of it.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Mati Serrano says:

              Office mates?! Wow.
              I could only imagine what you had to go through with that kind of setting.

              May we continue to keep getting better and moving forward.

              Liked by 1 person

  2. Kathy says:

    What you wrote is the truth. I can relate to all that you wrote. “Some people will just drop you because they don’t know how handle you.” That is so true and I had friends drop me after I didn’t get over my mom’s death fast enough for them. I was called a downer and it hurt. I wrote my list last night as a poem – it’s both sad and happy. When I told my son the title of this post, he said “why do you write about such dark things.” I said I don’t always. I write what I feel. You did too. Many times the truth isn’t rainbows and unicorns. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mati Serrano says:

      That just bites.
      It’s sad that there are people who just cannot exercise patience and understanding with persons who are going through heavy, emotional stuff.
      Well, life isn’t always sunshine. Nor is it always rain. We thrive where we choose to grow.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Kathy says:

    You’re right. And from my mom’s illness and death I grew into a stronger person. I did things I never imagined I would be able to do. Coming through that most painful time allowed me to appreciate the little things in life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mati Serrano says:

      That is good! I hope you continue growing, for you and your son.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Kathy says:

        Thank you. I have a daughter too. I strive to be a decent role model for them.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Mati Serrano says:

          That’s good of you!

          Liked by 1 person

  4. erinonphyre says:

    I definitely relate! You gained a lot of true and valuable insight from this experience. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mati Serrano says:

      I did. And I guess it’ll continue for awhile.
      Thanks for taking the time to read.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. erinonphyre says:

        The lessons turning into wisdom thing never stops 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Mati Serrano says:

          Yes. Happens everyday, I believe. If only we know how to look.
          Life’s funny like that, I guess.

          Like

  5. raksharaohs says:

    When such a tragedy happens, my mind goes back to the instances when promises were made with such conviction and it shocks me how one can change so easily.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mati Serrano says:

      Sadly, yes. And sometimes, the replay just goes on automatic that it kills you.
      I’ve long believed that promises lie in the faith you have in something. So, during the time that you promise something, the faith was strong and true. But even faith can waver.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. raksharaohs says:

        And when they say it’s over to your face, it kills you. Reading your post made me realise I’m not alone in this. Thanks!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Mati Serrano says:

          We deal with every death as best as we could.
          That’s one of the nice things about the Internet: you come across people who are in the same boat as yours.

          You’re welcome!

          Liked by 1 person

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